Parshat Vayigash 5773

Parshat Vayigash 5773: In memory of Tovah bat Beila, my great aunt who passed away this week

            In understanding Yosef's motivations for revealing himself to his brothers at the moment he did, it's essential to understand exactly what his modus operandi was in the challenges and trials he had crafted to bring his brothers to understand the gravity of their having sold him into captivity. It is clear that Yosef's raison d'être when revealing himself to his brothers was to restore the unity of the family, its harmony and oneness in contrast to the hostility that had been so prevalent in their collective childhood, rife with vendettas and jostling for position and stature in the family hierarchy. As such, a rhetorical question-rhetorical in the pure meaning of the word-can be asked as to Yosef's word choice when revealing himself to his brothers. Time and time again, instead of using the unity-building word, "avinu" or our father, Yosef is keen to alternate between the words, "avi" or my father, versus "avichem," your father. This word selection repeats itself so often that it must be understood in the larger scheme wherein Yosef, at this point, tries to foster and restore family balance and harmony.

            As an aside, one of the wonders of Israel is that one can learn Torah with anyone and everyone. Getting a hitchhike home from the Stalactite Cave, a natural wonder in its own right, I sat next to the driver's son, whom I asked the above question. The young child of nine not having a response ready off the cuff, the father interjected and suggested the following. "Yad smol docha, yad yamin mekarevet." The left hand, resembling justice, pushes one away, while the right hand, representing mercy and compassion, brings the distanced person closer. Not exactly like "good cop, bad cop" but similar, a balance is created where on the one hand, Yosef expressed love and warmth by calming his brothers and assuaging them that Hashem had sent him to Egypt to provide for their wellbeing, while at the same time, communicating to them the hurt he had shouldered all these years. After all, relays Yosef, "Were you so concerned about your father's equanimity and peace of mind regarding what might befall Binyamin on the arduous journey to buy sustenance, where were you when I cried out to you from the depths of the pit, filled with snakes and scorpions? Were you not worried about my father then? Were you not concerned about my father after you threw me mercilessly into the pit and then sat down to dine and "break bread".

            The midrash speaks of the encounter between Yosef and Yehuda in extremely vivid terms, where each side expressed his most heartfelt emotions, the faceoff a true battle of wills. Yehuda's chest hair, tells the midrash, stiffened, becoming so sharp that they pierced through the five layers of clothing he was wearing. Then, when he screamed out, the teeth of a whole platoon of Eygptian soldiers rattled, crackling and falling out of their mouths. The barbs between Yosef and Yehuda flew back and forth, each a king in his own right, both conveying visceral pain. Benjamin named each of his ten sons, teach Chazal, in commemoration of another element of his older brother being sold into bondage in Egypt.

            Perhaps, an important lesson is being taught here. When confronting another to seek reconciliation, while preserving a mutual respect, love and humanity, one must convey the true nature and complexity of one's feelings. Though there are those commentators who praise the brothers' lack of hypocrisy at the height of their jealousy towards Yosef after he had received the coat of many colors- "..And they could not speak to him peaceably-" the true striving is to be able to speak peaceably and candidly when one's emotions are strained even to the limits, to have that sheer discipline and perspicacity that comes from only the most humble and devout of bitachon, trust in Hashem. Yosef was being true to himself, and thereby enabling his brothers to be true to themselves.

            To cap off this dvar torah, I'd like to share a short vignette or teaching from the Rebbe of Kutz.

            "When I am I because you are you, and you are you because I am I, then I am not I nor are you truly you. But if I am I because I am I, and you are you because you are you, then I am indeed I and you are truly you."

            Shabbat shalom,

            Yoav Gedalia Barth